why didn't you poke me back
You can't special order awesome
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
