listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
