Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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