She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
