I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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