May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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