We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
