He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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