So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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