i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
