my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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