I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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