Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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