Kiss
Puke
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
