did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So vagazzling was a success
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
