just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
