I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
