Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
