Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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