That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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