Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pants are for mortals
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
