i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
