I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
