i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
