She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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