she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
