I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
