Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
