I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
