Got a toothbrush?
She said her name was "party"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
