The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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