You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
