So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
