Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
