We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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