Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
