I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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