i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
