just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
