...so i touched it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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