so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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