My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
