Your tits are I can't wait for
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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