I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
