We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
