last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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