69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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