a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so let's talk penis.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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