i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
