Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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