I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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