I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
