Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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