So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My bed smells like the plague
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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