I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
