the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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