I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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