I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
