Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
