How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
