My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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