their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
