Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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