dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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