Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
