He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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