Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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