How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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