i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
